At the moment, I would place this at the top of level two. I don't really get a sense of the narrative. You have not really used a range of shots. The camera-movement is generally weak and does not look particularly well-planned in relation to the action. There is a lot of questionable editing (voice-over cutting out, odd black inserts). It is not clear what is going on. The use of the credits is good, and the voice-over itself is reasonably effective, but you are missing some key elements (studo idents etc as well as a credit card at the end). What about a website address, or "coming summer 2012"?
To improve: You need to shoot more footage for the opening part of the trailer, setting up the "normal world". The boy with his mum and dad doing normal things, perhaps (playing, eating tea, watching TV). Like a montage. Just about 15-20 seconds' worth, but using a range of shots and angles. Establish the normal life.
Then bring in the disruption (the deaths). Again, lose the long sustained takes - you need faster, pacier editing to match the nature of "deranged".
We need to get more of a sense of the threat - what is the evil which he is the victim of? Who else is in the movie and who are they (at the moment, most of your cast appear to be corpses and shadows).
All I can suggest that you do is re-watch some of the trailers from your research (and indeed which I've posted on my blog) and look at the way in which fast editing is used to create a coherent narrative.
Breakdown
Studio/ producer/ distributor idents?
0:00 - opening shot is good, but why the blackout at about 0:04?
0:05-0:25 - this just looks like poor camerawork - what are you trying to show here? Is this point of view? You should look at the opening of "Halloween", if that is the effect you are trying to create.
0:36 - you cut a moment too late; you can see the camera start to whip.
You are at 36 seconds and you have only used (effectively) two shots. Can you justify this with reference to the trailers you have studied?
After the "Manny" credit, you have a sustained period of black - why?
00:45 - the voice-over cuts out. You might want to treat the voice-over to make it a little less buzzy - perhaps add an echo or some sort of effect?
01:15 - I'm still getting no sense of the narrative. Although this is clearly a horror film, I have no idea why I should watch it...
01:41 - again, not sure why you cut to black here
01:44 - why is the same shot repeated twice?
1:50 - some better shots here, butthe pace of music and editing should be faster
Manny - the post is blank... I don't know why, because I saw you upload it. I will look at it in the lesson tomorrow and give you verbal feedback.
ReplyDeleteAt the moment, I would place this at the top of level two. I don't really get a sense of the narrative. You have not really used a range of shots. The camera-movement is generally weak and does not look particularly well-planned in relation to the action. There is a lot of questionable editing (voice-over cutting out, odd black inserts). It is not clear what is going on. The use of the credits is good, and the voice-over itself is reasonably effective, but you are missing some key elements (studo idents etc as well as a credit card at the end). What about a website address, or "coming summer 2012"?
ReplyDeleteTo improve:
You need to shoot more footage for the opening part of the trailer, setting up the "normal world". The boy with his mum and dad doing normal things, perhaps (playing, eating tea, watching TV). Like a montage. Just about 15-20 seconds' worth, but using a range of shots and angles. Establish the normal life.
Then bring in the disruption (the deaths). Again, lose the long sustained takes - you need faster, pacier editing to match the nature of "deranged".
We need to get more of a sense of the threat - what is the evil which he is the victim of? Who else is in the movie and who are they (at the moment, most of your cast appear to be corpses and shadows).
All I can suggest that you do is re-watch some of the trailers from your research (and indeed which I've posted on my blog) and look at the way in which fast editing is used to create a coherent narrative.
Breakdown
Studio/ producer/ distributor idents?
0:00 - opening shot is good, but why the blackout at about 0:04?
0:05-0:25 - this just looks like poor camerawork - what are you trying to show here? Is this point of view? You should look at the opening of "Halloween", if that is the effect you are trying to create.
0:36 - you cut a moment too late; you can see the camera start to whip.
You are at 36 seconds and you have only used (effectively) two shots. Can you justify this with reference to the trailers you have studied?
After the "Manny" credit, you have a sustained period of black - why?
00:45 - the voice-over cuts out. You might want to treat the voice-over to make it a little less buzzy - perhaps add an echo or some sort of effect?
01:15 - I'm still getting no sense of the narrative. Although this is clearly a horror film, I have no idea why I should watch it...
01:41 - again, not sure why you cut to black here
01:44 - why is the same shot repeated twice?
1:50 - some better shots here, butthe pace of music and editing should be faster